What People Get Wrong About Inner Child Healing (and What to Do Instead)

Why Inner Child Healing Is So Often Misunderstood

Throughout this past month, we have been focusing on connecting with your inner child/children. By inner children, we meant these parts inside of you that are tender, vulnerable, emotional, young in age and heart, carry innocence, etc. These are often neglected parts in us that may leave not tended to as adults. Why is that? I know for me as I’ve taken on more roles and responsibilities (as a caretaker, mother, worker, partner, homeowner, pet mother, etc.) those responsibilities take time and energy to care for them well. To then think that I have some other beings outside of those roles that also require my care and attention, ones that I may have not even been aware of??? Who signed me up for that!

Why then does inner child healing feel like such a buzz work these days? How did this concept get so popular and why would it be important for us? Because whether we like it or not, many of us carry wounds from childhood that still impact how we think, feel, and relate today.

It’s as though these parts have to become us until we can actually take the time to get to know these parts of ourselves. The can become louder (hello random angry outburst at the traffic thats making me late) or begin to shut us down (excuse me mister I am no longer going to get out of bed) until we can finally move our attention towards them in compassionate care.

So is that all we have to do?? Just notice it and say hi.?? Well here’s the problem: much of the advice out there oversimplifies the process. It turns deep work into a quick fix — or worse, into another way of blaming yourself.

To reclaim the wholeness your younger self deserves, it’s important to first understand what inner child healing isn’t.

Let’s break down some of these myths:

Myth #1: Your Inner Child Needs to “Grow Up”

One of the most common misconceptions is that your inner child is immature and needs to “mature” or “get over it.” There is a common idea that first off there is ONE inner child inside of you who acts ONE way and has ONE singular emotion at a time. According to IFS (Internal Family Systems) our inner world is a complex interweb system of parts and therefore our inner child is actually a set of inner children. IFS language often refers to them as exiles….parts inside of us that we’ve separated from (feelings, emotions, thoughts, behaviors) due to the vulnerability of exposure and lack of care that was needed to support that experience safely at the time of injury.

The inner children means that we have all parts inside of us that are different ages and hold different experiences and have different developmental needs. And regardless of the age, meeting those developmental needs is not to “grow up”…its simply to meet unmet needs that were never met but were necessary.

So the truth?

Your inner child/children are not about immaturity. She represents your tender vulnerabilities — the emotions, needs, and dreams you held when life felt too big to carry.

She doesn’t need to be corrected or grow up. She needs the compassion and care she didn’t receive back then.

Myth #2: Positive Thinking Will Heal Old Wounds

You can’t simply “affirm away” pain. While affirmations can support healing, they don’t address the younger parts of you who are still waiting to be acknowledged. In fact, sometimes that positive part is just an old protective mechanism doing its thing by keeping you away from having to remember some of the pain. And the more it protects, the farther it pushes you away from the little ones inside that are still hurting.

Healing begins when you listen — when you sit with what hurts instead of rushing to fix it.

Myth #3: Healing Means Erasing the Past

Inner child healing is not about rewriting history. It’s about shifting your relationship to the parts of you that still carry old burdens. It’s about meeting yourself in those moments of history that may have shaped you and continue to and releasing the beliefs that may not longer serve you anymore. Ways that you may know you need inner child healing is when you feel stuck in old patterns and don’t understand why, when you feel out of balance, when you feel pulled away from your values or what feels right/true for you, when you are struggling to understand parts of yourself. These are just some of the beautiful ways our bodies communicate to us that something more is happening in our internal world that is calling for our presence.

This is where shadow work comes in: the feelings we tend to hide — sadness, anger, shame — are not flaws. They’re invitations from your inner child saying, “Please see me, too.”

This invitation is always a choice, a call to receive when you are open to it. It’s a invitation to meet more of yourself so that you can be your most full, whole self. Sometimes we don’t even realize how much energy we spend fighting ourselves than it would be to accept and see ourselves for all that we are. Check out this blog more Nervous System Regulation and the vagus nerve.

What Actually Works: IFS, Shadow Work, and Somatic Healing

    •    Internal Family Systems (IFS): Teaches us to meet younger parts with compassion and curiosity, not judgment.

    •    Shadow Work: Helps us welcome the emotions and traits we’ve buried, so they can integrate instead of control us from the dark.

    •    Somatic Yoga: Invites the body to release what words can’t, creating safety and freedom through movement and breath.

Together, these practices allow your inner child to finally feel safe, seen, and loved.

Coming Home to Your Younger Self

Your inner child doesn’t need to grow up. She needs you.

Your presence, compassion, and willingness to listen are the real medicine.

When you offer your younger self the care she missed, you reclaim more than healing — you reclaim your wholeness.

✨ Want to explore this work more deeply? Check out our services and offerings here.